Crafting a Fulfilling 2024: Mastering Emotions and Setting Goals That Truly Matter
In 5 weeks, we’ll be entering the new year and you know how it is around this time, right? We all get a bit reflective, start rethinking our goals and priorities, take stock of our achievements and failures from the past year, close old chapters, maybe ones that didn’t go anywhere, and sketch out plans for the new year, hoping that the next year will be better than this year has been.
So, I thought, why not share some steps you can take to help you gear up for the new year? This is especially for those of us who are feeling very driven and ready to start knocking down achievements in the new year.
goals & The concept of miswanting
So, first things first, we gotta pick the right kind of goals. I don’t know if you’ve heard about this concept called ‘miswanting’ and that’s m-i-s-wanting, miswanting which refers to thinking we want something, we pursue it, we get it and turns out, it doesn’t bring us satisfaction or happiness we were expecting from it. It’s like craving a huge slice of chocolate cake, but after eating it, you feel too full or even a bit unwell, realising it wasn’t what you truly wanted or needed.
So, why does miswanting matter when setting goals? In my experience, most people focus, consciously or not on two things when they pick goals – satisfaction of ego and the pursuit of happiness and both of those are the wrong criteria to use.
Don't let ego get a vote
Letting your ego choose your goals for you can lead to a lot of trouble and sadly, a lot of the times we are not aware that that’s what we are doing. For example, it’s ego that pushes us towards higher positions, not good, demanding work, better salary, not responsibilities that hone our talents and skills, a romantic partnership that looks good on IG but may be too high maintenance to be our place of calm and comfort. We chase after high-paying jobs, luxury items, or social media likes, believing these will make us happy. But here’s the twist: once we attain these things, the satisfaction is often fleeting. Why? Because these goals are externally driven, and not aligned with our true selves. I have talked about this a lot on the show because I really, truly believe that if you can find a way to put your ego on mute or at least turn down its volume, you will have a better quality of life and character – this has been my experience.
I am not able to do this 100% of the time but I am getting better at it and with every progressive step, I see the positive impact it has on my life, relationships, and mental health – that’s where the impact is most prominent because as someone with anxiety, there’s only so much I can care about so consciously managing my ego allows me to free up mental space, it just makes my life easier. There is so much less bullshit in my life.
Pursuit of happiness misleads
Now, the other thing is making happiness the focal point as you set your goals. When you do that, you end up with a life and self that’s very self-indulgent, self-serving, a life that has very little meaning to it. Now, perhaps that’s a big statement to make but let’s face it, we’ve never discussed happiness, self-care, and self-love as much as we do now and yet, we’ve also never been as miserable as we are now.
Happiness is a byproduct of function, purpose, and conflict; those who seek happiness for itself seek victory without war.
It’s a byproduct. It is what you experience when you reach the mountain top after a harrowing, very difficult, demanding trek. It’s what you experience when you qualify for a position after putting in many late nights and a fuck ton of hard work, it’s what you feel when you repair a relationship after many, many difficult conversations.
Happiness is found in moments of growth, in the challenges we overcome, and in aligning our actions with our deeper values.
So, don’t focus on being happy.
Focus on becoming a better human being, helping others have a better life, focus on learning and growth and I promise you, with each new achievement, and it doesn’t matter whether other people recognise those achievements or not, or whether it results in material growth or not, if it adds to your wellbeing, your knowledge, the value you can continue to the world, not only will it make you happy, it will give you this sense of accomplishment and a sense of contentment, a quiet satisfaction that translates to confidence and a joy that lingers and adds a whole lot of colour to your external world and your inner self.
Now, how do we set goals that go beyond ego and pursuit of happiness? Here are a few tips:
Get clear about your values, and motivations, and based on those values and motivations, what you truly want out of life- Ask yourself what truly matters to you. Is it connection with others, personal growth, or contributing to your community? Ensure your goals reflect your core values. If family is important to you, how do your goals support this value?
Challenge the Ego: Be aware of when your ego is driving your goals. Are you seeking a promotion for the status or because you genuinely love your work and want to contribute more?
Pursue Growth and Learning: Set goals that challenge you to learn new things, that push you out of your comfort zone, and that lead to personal development.
Lastly, seek Long-term fulfilment: Focus on what brings sustained fulfilment, not just immediate pleasure or acclaim.
Begin with self-knowledge:
The second recommendation I wanna make is that you begin with self-knowledge and as the year progresses, maintain it as one of your permanent, self-evolving goals.
To set a course on your GPS, before you can enter the destination, you first have to enter your current location, and then the GPS gives you directions and a route to follow most of the time, there are a bunch of options and you can take whichever route you feel will be most ideal for your journey.
It’s the same with every other area of our life.
To make real progress in any area of life, you’ve got to first get a handle on where you stand. You have to know and understand yourself – your values, beliefs, aspirations, motivations, the whole shebang. And here’s a kicker – a survey conducted not the subject revealed that while most of us think we’re pretty self-aware, the truth is only about 10-15% of us have a solid grip on it.
Now, remember how we talked about miswanting? A big reason we fall into that trap is because we lack self-knowledge.
When you don’t have a clear picture of what truly matters to you, you end up chasing goals that only give you that surface-level buzz either that or you find yourself feeling lost, lacking meaning in life – it’s one of the reasons why purpose and meaning are searched for in YouTube videos and online articles when you should be looking for them within yourself.
So, work on establishing a deep understanding of your values, strengths, weaknesses, and your true desires. When you know yourself well, you can leverage your strengths and address your weaknesses, making your goals more attainable and realistic.
To help with this, I have created a quiz, called the ‘EmoPersona’ quiz that will help you understand yourself a little bit better. It is a great starting point.
It is a great starting point. It will give you insight into, as the name suggests, your emotional and personality archetype and the results are very comprehensive so you’ll learn about what strengths you can leverage to create a lot of growth in your life and what personal qualities are currently holding you back. It also shares a plan that you can implement right away.
I think the results will have you excited to keep going on this path of self-knowledge and self-improvement and if while on this path, you need help, you can book a session with me. The quiz result page will have a button that you can click to go over to my coaching calendar and you’ll be able to book yourself a 1-1 session.
Lastly, two other very important things I hope you’ll do before the new year starts and continue doing it is learning to effectively manage and channel your Emotions AND mobilise your internal resources.
Emotional resilience is key!
This is hugely important. Persistence, consistency, and discipline – these are the qualities majorly responsible for all of the success that we see in the world and it all comes down to how well you manage your inner chaos, how well you manage and effectively channel your emotions because from what I’ve learned from my time as a coach is that if you
- Don’t know how to keep yourself motivated
- If you don’t know how to get back up after failing in something and get back up without losing your focus, your self-belief, and
- If you don’t continue to perform as you are pursuing your goal which means showing up every day, come rain or shine, you show up even if the results don’t
-if you can’t do all of these things, there is a high possibility you, if you have a big mission in life, big goals in life, you won’t make it to the finish line. It all comes down, all those three things I mentioned, come down to how well you manage your emotions.
Motivation is an inside job
When we talk about motivation, it’s often like we’re looking for a magic pill or some secret formula that’s out there, somewhere beyond us. But motivation is an inside job. It’s not something that’s handed to us or something we find in a motivational video (as inspiring as it can be). It’s something that comes from within us, from the depths of our minds and hearts.
Think about it! Have you ever noticed how two people can face the same situation, but react completely differently? One might see a challenge and feel pumped to tackle it, while the other feels defeated before even starting. That’s because motivation isn’t just about the situation; it’s about how we interpret it, how we talk to ourselves about it, and what it means to us personally.
The real power lies in understanding our ‘why’ – the deeper reasons behind what we’re doing. When we connect with our ‘why,’ we tap into a well of motivation that’s much more enduring than any external pep talk. and we connect with our why by emotionally investing in it. It’s like when you’re working on something you truly care about, you don’t need someone else to push you; your passion for the project pulls you forward.
then comes discipline
But then again, passion is not gonna get shit done, right, discipline does that.
So we need discipline, not just over our physical resources but also our emotions because as we pursue new goals, we are bound to encounter setbacks along the way, right? And when that happens we need to get ourselves back to a good place so you can show up the very next day and continue on your path.
You need to know how to get back up after a failure without losing any of that emotional investment, any of your drive or self-confidence, and we do that by keeping our inner dialogue free of self-blame, self-denigration, or self-pity but if you’re someone highly emotional, who gives in very easily to their inner chaos, all of these things, they’re gonna be a real challenge for you.
The same goes for being able to get back up after a failure – again, it’s all about emotional intelligence. It’s why a high IQ doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is going to be a success. It’s also why people with average intelligence, less than favourable circumstances, and limited resources manage to achieve their goals – a lot of it is down to EQ, learning to manage and channel your emotions.
learn to mobilise your resources
Then, comes discipline of daily habits and routines. They also play a huge role in keeping our motivation engine running. Motivation can get us started, but it’s the habits we develop and the discipline we practice that keep us going, especially when the initial excitement wears off, right? And you need to pick habits and create routines that best mobilise your resources. You need to stay disciplined during the more difficult periods.
From getting up early in the morning to saying no to late-night parties, maintaining a budget so you can invest in your business, to keeping your body healthy so it can support your progress – all of these things require discipline and that discipline will come yes, from you emotional AND intellectual investment in your ‘why’ but also from your self-dialogue.
As parents do with their kids, you’re going to have to constantly stay in dialogue with yourself. You’ll have to keep pulling yourself back on the right track and to do that you gotta know how best to handle the physical and emotional stress that comes with the pursuit of big goals, you need to know how to maintain your equilibrium when life isn’t going your way, and how to keep your physical and emotional energy up when there is more demand on your inner resources. Learn to mobilise your inner resources.
You're enough!
You’ve to let go of the negative mindset that always has you stuck on the idea that you are not enough. Stop thinking like that and instead, understand that you’re enough for the next step. The resources you’ve are JUST right for the next step and once you’re past it, you’ll be a little bit more ready for the ultimate goal and completely ready for the immediate next step.
So, learn to better manage your emotions and maintain the mindset, self and social perception that your goals need.
Now, if you feel like it’s a lot and these are the very things that you struggle with, I am planning on doing a free workshop in January that you can sign up for –
As part of this workshop – I will cover what I have talked about here – cultivating clarity and self-knowledge, learning to manage and effectively channel your emotions, and mobilise your inner resources in a way that allows for maximum success. The workshop is in the idea stages right now so there is no definite date yet except that it will happen in the first few days of January if I get a certain number of sign-ups because I will only do this workshop if I can be sure that it will be of use to you. So, let me know by signing up for the workshop.
Now, I recommend that as you’re drafting your goals for 2024, think about adding these to your list: growing your self-knowledge, honing your ability to manage and channel your emotions, and mobilising those internal resources.
All these goals are interconnected, each one supporting and enhancing the others. Remember, self-knowledge helps you set the right goals, which makes it easier to emotionally invest in them. Managing your emotions and working with your resources keeps you moving forward, no matter the obstacles you face along the way.
Start with the EmoPersona quiz, the link is in the episode description and if you want to keep going but you can use some help along the way, feel free to book a session.
Good Luck!
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Hi! I'm Krati Mehra
I know what it’s like to fall apart and gradually put your pieces back together to build something better than what you had before and I share all my lessons in this space hoping that you will share my learnings without the struggle.
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